The Wizard of Ozzie
by spookytomato
Summary: Ivan is dead and Natalia is after the ruby slippers. Antonio wants a brain, Ludwig wants a heart and Feliciano wants courage. All Arthur wants is to get out of this weird world of Australia and back to his farm in London. Based off the 1939 adaptation but set in late-ish 1900s. Eventual GerIta but no other pairings. T for language. Neither Hetalia or The Wizard of Oz belong to me.
1. Crumpet the Cat and the Great Escape

Hello and welcome to my first published fanfiction!

At almost 95,000 fanfiction here alone, I highly doubt this is the first Hetalia/Wizard of Oz fic but I wanted to give one a try anyway!

This fic is based off the 1939 movie adaption of the Wizard of Oz, and follows the plot pretty much exactly…as for the characters, they've had a lot of personality changes to fit the Hetalia characters!

I'm not a fan of long author's notes myself, and unless there is something important you need to know before reading a chapter you will usually find my author's notes at the end of chapters, and they will mostly consist of replies to any questions brought up in reviews (if I even get any).

However, as this is the start of the story I felt it necessary to introduce things before you read.

Firstly, I want to say that although I am busy with school and procrastinate badly so updates may be slow, I will never, ever have completely abandoned a story (even if it seems I have).

Secondly, I wanted to list all the characters in this story and who they appear as, but if you don't care or don't want to know you can skip straight to the story at this point:

**Mr and Mrs Kirkland** – For the purposes of this story, I have replaced Aunt Em and Uncle Henry with Arthur's parents who are not representative of any Hetalia character

**Miss Gulch **– I know that Miss Gulch is supposed to become a witch once in Oz, but to keep things a little less confusing I have just kept her as she is originally

**England (Arthur)** – Dorothy (Don't worry too much about him being OOC, he has his same old personality – well, the personality I would imagine him to have had as a human teenager)

**Neko!England (Crumpet)** - Toto

**Scotland (Alistair), Wales (Owen) and Ireland (Dylan)** – This one needs a bit of explaining…originally, there are three characters of Zeke, Hunk and Hickory who are farm hands, and then later appear as the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. However, for the purposes of this story, I have cut out the farm hands and replaced them with Scotland, Wales and Ireland who will take their place but instead be Arthur's brothers. They also will not appear later as characters in "Oz".

**Turkey (Sadik) **– Professor Marvel. Again, he is supposed to appear later as a character in Oz but again I have made him a separate character all together…just go with it okay ^^;

**Poland (Feliks)** – Glinda, (good) Witch of the North

**Latvia (Raivas), Estonia (Eduard) and Lithuania (Toris) **– Munchkins

**Russia (Ivan)** – The Wicked Witch of the East

**Belarus (Natalia) **– The Wicked Witch of the West

**Spain (Antonio) **– Scarecrow

**Germany (Ludwig)** – Tin Man (Again, don't worry about him being OOC)

**Italy (Feliciano) **– The Lion

**America (Alfred)** – Doorman (I'd love to give Alfie a bigger role but he didn't really fit anywhere, sorry)

**Canada (Matthew) **– The Cabby (another very small role)

**Australia (Rather than pick a name for him, and since he is the Wizard of Ozzie, I'll just put "Ozzie" here)** – Wizard of Oz

Last thing to mention, Arthur is a teenager here, and probably younger than 17, but I'll let you decide what age you feel most comfortable with. His brothers are all older teenagers (17 plus), America and Canada (even though they only appear for a short time) are around 16 and everyone else is the age they appear in the manga/anime.

Okay, super sorry for the really long AN but I felt it was kinda necessary for a story like this

If you're still with me, enjoy!

* * *

"That bloody, dratted old hag and her pathetic excuse for a dog – I tell you, Crumpet, if her damn collie is afraid of you it's not our fault! You can't keep a cat on a leash, but she can keep that damn mutt in its own garden," Arthur huffed as he trudged down the street.

A small Scottish fold meowed in agreement as he trotted alongside his owner, head and tail held high.

"I'll be going straight to Mother about this, mark my words! She didn't hurt you, old boy, did

she?" Arthur asked as he scooped the cat up into his arms.

The cat purred and rubbed himself against Arthur's cheek, before settling himself in his owner's arms.

"She's lucky you're not injured," he grumbled as he scratched the cat behind its ears and angrily kicked open the gate to the farm.

"Mumsy! Mumsy!" Arthur yelled, chickens scattering as he marched across the garden.

"Hello, Arthur, dear, would you please close the ga-"

"Mumsy! That horrible Miss Gulch had her dog loose and he started barking at Crumpet and Crumpet –"

"Arthur, not just now honey, please close to the gate, we're very busy and-"

"But Mum! She lashed out at Crumpet so Crumpet started hissing at her and-"

"Arthur, please, I'm trying to count," his mother pleaded, smiling at him apologetically before returning to counting the young chicks.

"Father! Daddy! Miss Gulch lashed out at Crumpet because-"

"Not now, Arthur, this old incubator's gone bad, and these chicks-"

"But Daddy, Miss Gulch-"

"Arthur, I'm sorry son, but not just now," his father sighed, running his hands through his greying hair.

"Fine," Arthur huffed, stomping back across the farmyard with Crumpet still in his arms to find his brothers.

"Dylan!" Arthur yelled, marching up to his older brother, who was herding pigs back into their pen. "Miss Gulch lashed out at Crumpet and so Crumpet scratched the old hag right across the leg but now Miss Gulch says that she is going to go the courts and that they'll take Crumpet away!"

"Oh no, what a disaster," Dylan snorted sarcastically, closing the door to the pen.

"Don't be an arsehole and help me! Miss Gulch won't be able to take Crumpet away, right?" Arthur asked as his cat mewed quietly.

"We have more to worry about than a feckin' cat right now, Arthur, and maybe if you were helping out rather than prancing around the country side we would have everything done a bit quicker," he growled.

"I am NOT prancing anywhere, and you should be more concerned about Crumpet, seen as he is a member of the family and – Alistair! Alistair! Did you hear about old Miss Gulch?" Arthur let his cat down, who sat himself down at his owner's feet.

Alistair raised an eyebrow at his younger brother as he walked out of the barn, "Aye, I'm pretty sure they heard you shouting just now from the centre of London," he chuckled.

"And I suppose you don't care either?" Arthur pouted.

"Not in the slightest, wee brother," Alistair grinned at him, returning to the barn with a bucket of water.

"Oh Artie, I wouldn't worry too much about old Miss Gulch," Arthur's last brother, Owen, came up behind him and ruffled his hair, "She's all bark and no bite, you get me?" he smiled, always more concerned about the youngest than their two older siblings.

"Hey, back to work the both of ya! There's no time to be loitering around on a day like this!" came a shout from the back door.

"Yes sir!" Owen shouted back, hoping over the fence to the stables.

"Whatever," Dylan grumbled, glaring daggers at Arthur, who smirked back before returning to the house.

"Mum, are you done with those chickens?" Arthur asked as he reached the door. "Miss Gulch lashed out at Crumpet and Crumpet scratched her right back, and Miss Gulch says she's going to get a court order to have Crumpet put down! You can't do that with cats, can you Mum?"

"Oh Arthur, I highly doubt it, you always get yourself so worked up over nothing! Now come over here and give me had a hand drying these dishes up,"

"Yes, Mum," Arthur sighed, resigning himself to wiping dry plates with a towel, until a commotion outside caught his attention. Peering out the window he saw Miss Gulch at his front gate, carrying a small brown basket and yelling something at his father. Gasping, he left the plate on the counter and ran to the back door calling desperately for his cat, who quickly came running at his shouts. He scooped the cat up into his arms and ran to the living room, just as Miss Gulch came marching in with his mother quick on her heels.

"That's the cat! It tore my leg up, the little terror!" She spat, pointing at the cat in Arthur's arms.

Arthur pulled Crumpet closer to him protectively, and glared at the women.

"And what if he did? You can't do much about a cat, I'm afraid," Arthur's father entered behind his mother.

"Oh, but I can and I did!" Miss Gulch smirked evilly, "I have the court order right here for it to be put down, and I will be taking it away with me in this very basket!"

"You absolutely will not!" Arthur growled, backing away as the lady made a grab for his cat.

"This is absurd, I ask that you leave my property this is instance!" Arthur's mother shrieked.

"I'm afraid, Mrs Kirkland, that I will not be leaving without that cat, and it says very here on this piece of paper that I have every right to take it," she shoved the paper under Arthur's mother's nose.

Mrs Kirkland frowned at the paper and turned to her son, sorrow in her eyes, "I'm sorry, Arthur, but we can't go against the law, Crumpet will have to go," she whispered.

"No! You can't! Not Crumpet – he's my best friend," Arthur yelled, struggling as Miss Gulch tried again to grab for his cat, "Father! Dad! You can't let her,"

"I'm sorry, Arthur, there's nothing we can do," He sighed as Miss Gulch stuffed the now struggling cat into her basket.

"You horrible witch!" Arthur yelled at her, storming off and fighting tears. "I hate you! I hate you all!"

"You, leave our house, now! I don't want to see you again," Mrs Kirkland hissed, glaring at the women in a rare show of anger.

"I think I will take my leave, yes," Miss Gulch smirked, "accidentally" knocking the meowing basket off the table as she passed. "Goodbye, Arthur, and say goodbye to your cat," she called down the hall.

"Fuck you!" Arthur yelled back. His mother didn't reprimand him for his use of language.

"What a vulgar child," Miss Gulch shook her head, stalking out of the Kirkland house.

"Don't worry, ma, I'll go see if he's okay…" Owen appeared and smiled at his crying mother, following Arthur's path down the corridor.

~~~HETALIA~~~

Miss Gulch cycled speedily down the street, grinning to herself as she thought about how glad she was to be rid of the awful terror that was Crumpet Kirkland. As she cycled, she hit a large stone, bumping the bicycle, the basket, and the latch on the basket. A small feline head popped itself out, and the rest of the cat quickly emerged, hopping down onto the path, and running the opposite direction of the bike.

~~~HETALIA~~~

After Owen left, Arthur sat on his bed, arms folded, glaring at his wall. This wasn't fair! Crumpet was his best and only friend, and was always kind to everyone! He had only scratched the old hag because she had hit him first, and now his poor little cat was being taken away to killed!

"It's not fair!" Arthur yelled out loud as he fought back tears at the thought of the little Scottish fold scared and alone in its basket.

As he went to lie down, he heard a quiet mewl coming from his window

"Crumpet?" he asked out loud, turning round to face the window.

To his shock, Crumpet sat unharmed on the window ledge grooming his front paws.

"Oh my god! Crumpet! Get inside! How did you escape? Oh that doesn't even matter, that horrible lady will be back for you the second she notices you gone! What will I do? Oh, we have no choice Crumpet, we have to get away from here!" Arthur rambled, opening the window for the cat and grabbing a small suitcase.

Once packed with the basic necessities, Arthur pulled on a jacket and grabbed Crumpet under one arm. "Come on boy, we'll have to be quick to get away,". He nodded in finality before hopping out the window and sneaking through the back gate of the farm, successfully avoiding his family on the way.

* * *

Yes, I very much imagine Arthur as a whiny and spoilt teenage boy who generally has his parents wrapped around his little finger ;) I've heard that's all part of the "being the youngest" deal anyway.

Well, thank you for reading so far! I'm not very confident in my writing yet so any constructive criticism would be genuinely appreciated!


	2. Turkish Travellers and the Great Return

Arthur trudged along the dirt road, suitcase in one hand and cat walking alongside. He had, after what he assumed had been about an hour of walking, realised that he his escape had been rather poorly planned as he had brought along no food or water, or even a watch to keep track of time. Never the less, he continued onwards, determined to keep his cat safe and well.

As his belly finally began to protest the lack of food, he came across a small wagon and a man roasting fish over campfire to its side. He was tall, and dressed mostly in green, bar from the red fez on his head, and as Arthur got closer, he also found that the man wore a white mask, concealing his eyes.

Drawn to the smell of cooking fish, Crumpet sprinted towards the man, causing him to jump up and look around him in suspicion. Eyes finally settling on Arthur, he relaxed and sat back down.

"Hey, kid, thought you might be someone else," he chuckled, nodding towards the cat, "Yours I'd guess?"

Arthur frowned in confusion, but shrugged it off and nodded, "Yes, this is Crum- Crumpet! Crumpet no, that's rude!" Arthur frowned as Crumpet tucked into the fish the man had previously been cooking.

The man laughed, unbothered, "Don't worry, he's perfectly welcome. As long as he's not some Grecian stray…" he mumbled, shaking his head. "Got a name yourself, kid?" he smirked.

"Arthur,"

"Well, welcome, Arthur. I'm Sadik Adnan…_Professor_ Sadik Adnan: magician, fortune teller, juggler and the like. What brings a kid like you all the way out here?"

"Well, you see…" Arthur began.

"No, no," Sadik held up his hands, "let me guess…that is my job. Let's see, you're travelling in disguise? No, that's not right. You're going on a visit? No, I'm wrong,"

Arthur frowned as the man rambled own, definitely foreign, revealed by his accent.

"Aha! You're running away," Sadik smiled proudly.

Arthurs eyes widened in surprise, "Yes! But how did you guess?"

"I didn't guess, I knew! Now, why are you running away – ah – don't tell me, I can get this too! They don't understand you at home, they don't appreciate you. You want to see other lands: big cities, big mountains, big oceans…"

"Wow! It's like you can see right inside my head!" Arthur, a firm believer of magic, gasped in amazement. "Why, do you think I could come along with you? I've practiced a bit in magic myself, you see," he looked hopefully towards the near stranger.

"Now, boy, I think you should be getting home," Sadik grinned.

"But nobody cares about me at home! My brothers despise me, and my mother was going to let them kill Crumpet just for scratching that horrible Miss Gulch! Please, can't I come with you, I want to travel and practice magic too!"

The Turkish man sighed and ran his hands through his hair, "Well, I never do anything without consulting my crystal ball first, come along inside," he ushered Arthur into his wagon, "Now sit right here, this is the very same authentic crystal used by the Priests of Isis and Osiris in the days of the Pharaohs of Egypt! Now, you'd better close your eyes, in order to be better in tune with the infinite,"

Arthur sat down on a small stool in front of a large glass ball, marvelling at the magical object he was being presented with, before closing his eyes. Whilst he had his eyes shut, Sadik unclipped the suitcase Arthur had left lying by his feet and rummaged around, pulling out a small photograph of Arthur's mother and hurriedly studying it before stuffing it back inside the case.

"Now, open your eyes, and place your hands on the table, right here," Sadik guided Arthur's hands to either side of the crystal ball, "Now, we'll gaze into the ball and – what's this I see? – a small farm house with a picket fence! And, in the background, a pig sty and a horses stables," he lied.

Arthur gasped, "That sounds like my house!"

"Oh, and there's a women, short, green eyes, with bright ginger hair pulled back into a bun,"

"That sounds like my mum!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Yes…she's wearing a polka dot dress…" he looked to Arthur.

"Yes, that's her, what's she doing?"

"Hmm…it seems she's crying. Someone has just about broken her heart!"

Arthur feigned disinterest and avoided making eye contact with Sadik, "W-well, it wouldn't be me, of course…right?"

"Well, it's someone she loves very much. Someone she's been very kind to. Someone she's taken care of in sickness,"

"Well…I did once get the chicken pox, and she never left my side," Arthur frowned, a growing look of concern in his eyes, "What's she doing now?"

"She's going into a little bed room; she's putting her hand on her heart and dropping down into the bed. It appears she is sick! That's all, the crystals gone dark," Sadik shook his head.

"So…she's sick?" Arthur looked up worriedly, "W-well, I have to go home right this instance! Not that I'm worried, mind you, I just forgot to get something very important! Come along, Crumpet, we'll hide you in the barn and they'll never find you there! You'll have to stay awfully quiet, mind," Crumpet mewled and jumped down from her position on the table to stand next to Arthur.

"It's been very nice meeting you, Mr Adnan, and I'm sorry that our visit had to be cut short," Arthur nodded to him, hopping out of the wagon.

"But what's this? I thought you were coming with me to travel and practice magic?" Sadik chuckled.

"I'm sorry, I must be going at once," Arthur shouted back as he ran back along the dirt path.

Sadik shook his head, "Poor kid, looks like a storms blowing in…hope he gets home all right,"

~~~HETALIA~~~

"Alistair, sort those horses out, close up the barn! Owen, the pigs! The pigs!" Mr Kirkland yelled at his sons as he herded the chickens into their shelter.

"Ugh, for fecks sake, you'd think we'd get a fair bit more warning before a storm," Dylan grumbled, kicking shut the fence.

"Seems like it will be a bad one," Alistair nodded to the sky as the first drops of rain began to fall, quickly developing into a thundering shower.

"Alistair, the wind is starting, will you get those damn horses into the barn and get inside!"

"Aye," Alistair sighed, grabbing the reins of the nearest two horses.

At that moment, Mrs Kirkland exited the house in a panic, "Arthur! Arthur! Arthur, are you out here?" she yelled into the air.

"Ma, get inside, he's not a toddler. If he's ran off in a huff it's his own fault if he's got himself caught in the rain," Dylan tugged at his mother's arm.

"Oh, but Dylan, he'll catch his death out in a storm like this! You know how weak our poor Artie's immune system is,"

"Well, "poor Artie" can find his own way in the front door when he gets his buttocks back here, Mother, get inside and out of the rain yourself," Alistair shook his head, gently pushing his mother towards the door.

"Oh, all right then," she sighed, with one last concerned look out into the garden as the first claps of thunder sounded overhead.

~~~HETALIA~~~

Arthur swore loudly as the rain began to fall on his unprotected head. He had always been prone to illness and he was not in the mood for a fever. Tucking Crumpet under his coat, he increased his speed in order to get out of the rain as quickly as possible.

He neared the garden gate in just in time to see the front door of the house slam shut, and, he assumed, latched shit too.

"Gits," Arthur mumbled, hopping the fence running to his bedroom window instead.

He struggled up and through the still open window and sighed in relief once his feet hit his carpeted floor. He shook the water from his hair, and released Crumpet from the inside of his jacket.

"Right, time to go check on mum," he told the cat.

As he turned round to close the window, a large gust of wind blew in, throwing the window open into Arthur's face. Arthur yelled in shock and stumbled backwards, collapsing onto his bed has the room swirled and his vision darkened. The last thing he saw was Crumpets face as the cat sniffed at his head.

* * *

Aaaand Arthur is off to Ozzie! Meanwhile I'm off back to school. Delightful. Well, hope you enjoyed the chapter! Ended up writing this one much sooner than expected. I had to mix things up a little from the original plot in this chapter since I can't imagine anything that happened in Kansas in the film to ever happen in London. Well, see yas next time!


	3. Somewhere Over the Ocean

For this chapter, it is best to keep in mind that I cut out the original theme of "reality counterparts" (where one character in Oz is representative of one character in Kansas) so Miss Gulch isn't Natalia. Oh, and Poland isn't genderbent – Arthur just mistakes him for a woman.

* * *

When Arthur opened his eyes once more, a mere few seconds later, he was met with possibly the most baffling sight he had ever seen. Little had changed inside his bedroom: his window was wide open; the bed he was lying on was an unmade mess; his cupboard was spilling over with clothing; and Crumpet sat calmly beside him as if nothing at all was out of the ordinary.

However, the scene playing out beyond the open window told a different story. Arthur stared in bewilderment as he watched the cloud of dust swirling round and round his house, multiple odd objects flying past. First went the chickens, cows, and other farm animals Arthur assumed there had not been time to lock away in the barn. Next flew by two men on a small fishing boat, who waved to Arthur as they flew past. Arthur hesitantly waved back, wondering just how hard his head had been hit. Finally, Miss Gulch cycled past, causing Arthur to gasp in shock. As she cycled, Miss Gulch began to morph - her wiry black hair grew long and silver; her face was replaced with that of a much younger women's; a tall pointed hat grew on her head and a cape flapped in the wind behind her. Her bike too transformed its metal frame into a wooden broomstick. Arthur ducked as she turned her now violet eyes towards his window, before she took of cackling and chanting something that sounded suspiciously like a demand of some poor soul's hand in marriage.

Arthur frowned as he took some wobbly steps towards the window and peeked his head out, ducking back in as he was almost hit by a flying rake.

"I-I don't think we're on the ground anymore, Crumpet," he stuttered out, still in shock over the surprising turn of events.

Crumpet sat and groomed his face, unbothered by the show outside the window.

Arthur cried out in surprise as he felt the house plummet downwards, and clung to the bed for dear life. He yelled again as the house hit the ground with a thud, the already messy contents of Arthur's room flying everywhere. By this point, Crumpet too was clawing himself to the carpet in fear.

When everything seemed to be still, Arthur picked the cat up under his arm and decided to go off in search for the rest of his family. He cautiously exited his room, and looked about him, before calling out for his brothers, "Alistair? Owen?" he shouted.

After he got not reply, he began to search individual rooms, including his parent's bedroom. Strangely, although the entire house was in disarray from its spin, the place was completely deserted.

"Where on earth could they all have gone?" he asked Crumpet worriedly. The cat mewled in response.

Running his hand through his hair, Arthur decided there was no use wandering around the house stressing. He might as well step outside and see where his house had landed, before he figured out a way to get back to London.

He came to the door, which was now hanging open, and stuck his head out. He gaped in shock at the scene that surrounded him.

Where before there had been a muddy farmyard, he was now found himself in a small and beautiful village, paved with cobblestone and surrounded by crooked and old houses, which themselves were decorated with a wide variety of flowers, some tall enough that they were past his waist. Outside of the village was dry, sandy desert for as far as his eyes could see, which although nowhere near as beautiful as the village, was a completely new site for Arthur, and he found himself somewhat more entranced by this than by the village itself. Crumpet too seemed to be interested in the new environment, as he wandered around Arthur's feet, sniffing at stones and plants as he went.

Arthur was distracted from the view as out of the corner of his eye he saw a small, pinkish bubble, which gradually increased in size as it approached him. Engrossed, he cautiously approached the bubble, leaping back in shock when it burst into a woman. She had blonde hair, around shoulder length, and green eyes. On her head she wore a large silver crown, and she was clothed in a large pink dress, the skirt of which extended further than her arms when she opened them wide in welcoming.

"Like, hi!" she announced in a…not so feminine voice.

"Um…hi…" Arthur frowned in confusion at the voice, but shook it off.

"Like, are you a good witch or a bad witch?" she asked Arthur, who stared at her in bewilderment.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, your eyebrows totally say bad witch, but your mostly white cat tells me good witch, so are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

"My…eyebrows?" Arthur raised his hand to his forehead self-consciously and hissed in sudden anger, "And what do you mean witch? I'm not a witch at all, witches are female you dolt!"

Arthur whipped round as he heard sniggering coming from behind him, but was faced with nothing but a bush.

"What the fuck was that?"

"Like, the Munchkins silly! They think it's totes hilarez when I get mistaken for a women, like, witches can totes be men you know," she…he said, flipping his hair and placing his hand on his hip.

"So, like, the Munchkins called me and told me a new witch came along and dropped a house on the Ivan, the Wicked Witch of the East, and like, here you are," the male witch pointed at Arthur, "And like, that's what's left of the Wicked Witch of the East," he pointed to Arthur's house, from under which the tail end of a trench-coat and two pairs of legs protruded, "So, like, what's the deal? Good witch or bad witch?"

"I told you, I'm not a witch," Arthur huffed, wondering where this weird part of earth he had had the misfortune this was.

"Like, not a witch? Then who are you?"

"I think the question is who the bloody hell are you? And where bloody hell am I? And what the bloody hell is going on?"

"Well, like, I'm Feliks! Witch of the North! And like, you're in ozzie! And, like, you just dropped a house on Ivan and freed the Munchkins from his rule, which is totes amazing!" Feliks exclaimed, "So like, who are you? The Munchkins want to know who they need to honour,"

"Ozzie? What on earth? Well, I'm Arthur, and this is Crumpet. But who are the Munchkins?" Arthur looked about him, finding the village still empty.

"Like, the little people that live here, this is Munchkin land…hey broskis, you can like, come out now and thank him,"

There was another rustle in the bushes behind Arthur and three nervous looking men appeared. Arthur frowned in confusion.

"Little? Two of them are bigger than me! I'm pretty sure only that one even qualifies as a munchkin!" Arthur exclaimed, pointing to the smallest of the three, who seemed to be shaking.

"Like, that's Raivas, he's just short, and this is Eduard and this is Tor-Tor!" Feliks announced.

"Toris, it's Toris," a man with shoulder length blonde hair sighed, and smiled apologetically at Arthur.

"Er…right," Arthur nodded at him.

"U-um, excuse me, Mr. Arthur," the smallest of the three – Raivas – interrupted, "B-but I would like to thank you for dropping your house on Mr. Ivan…y-you see, you've freed us from his rule,"

Toris smiled at Arthur, "Yes, thanks to you, the wicked witch is dead!"

The third member of the trio, Eduard, who had remained previously quiet, cleared his throat, "Well, before we celebrate, we've got to verify it legally, to see if he is morally, ethically, spiritually, physical, positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably dead!" he announced, pushing his glasses up his nose.

The other two looked at him and hummed in thought, before Raivas ran over to the house and knelt beside the legs of the so called "witch". He ran back over after a tense two minutes, and nodded, "I thoroughly examined him, and he's not only really dead, he's really most sincerely dead!"

Three of the four gathered sighed in relief, whilst Arthur just frowned and tried to comprehend the fact that although accidentally, he had just killed someone.

Arthur was pulled from his thoughts as Eduard stepped forward, "Then this is a day of independence, for all the Munchkins and their descendants!" He announced happily.

"Let the joyous news be spread!" added Toris.

"The Wicked old Witch at last is dead!" Raivas finished.

"From now on, Mr. Arthur, you'll be history! And we will glorify your name! You'll be a bust in the hall of fame!" Eduard told him.

"Well…that's nice, I suppose," Arthur forced a smile, finding the whole situation very confusing and a little awkward, "But I don't imagine you perhaps get me back to London?"

"Well, that's –" Feliks started before he was interrupted by a puff of black smoke. Arthur stared in shock as the witch who had flown past his window earlier appeared, causing the "Munchkins" to disappear back into the bushes.

"There are more witches?" he asked Feliks, whispering.

"Like, yeah, this is Natalia, the Wicked Witch of West…you kinda killed her brother, she's like, a bit obsessed with him," Arthur just stared at him, "Like, I know! Creepy right," Feliks mumbled, shaking his head and silencing when the witch turned her attention to the two.

"Who killed my brother? Who killed the Wicked Witch of the East? Was it you, boy?" she pointed her broomstick at Arthur, who, overwhelmed with fear, took a couple of steps backwards.

"Was it? Answer me!" she hissed.

"Like, back off," Feliks stepped between the two.

"You stay out of this! I'm here for vengeance! So it was you, was it? You killed him…" she growled, taking a step forward.

Arthur backed away further - he had never though one small woman could be so frightening; "I-it was an accident! I didn't mean it! The house…there was a storm and, well, I mean…" Arthur trailed off as words failed him.

"Didn't mean it? Accident? Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too - and this is how I do it!" Natalia snarled, raising her broomstick as if about to act, before Feliks interrupted.

"Like, aren't you forgetting the ruby slippers?"

Natalia's eyes widened and she grinned, "Yes, the ruby slippers," she turned her attention to the house, and the legs protruding from underneath. As she reached for the slippers on the feet of her brother, they disappeared, and she growled, "The slippers! What have you done with them? Give them back!" she whirled round to face Feliks.

"Like, it's too late," he smirked, "there they are," he pointed down to Arthur's feet, now adorned with two red, sparkling, heeled slippers, "and there they'll stay,"

"What the fuck? What do you mean 'there they'll stay'?" Arthur yelled, "These are fucking women's shoes, why am I wearing fucking women's shoes?"

"Like, they must be very powerful, else she wouldn't want them so badly, so like, keep them on okay?" Arthur glared at Feliks and looked ready to disagree, "Like, she could cause all kinds of trouble with them; for the Munchkins, and everyone here in Ozzie, you have to keep them on and not let her get to them!"

Arthur huffed, and stared down at his feet, "Fine, fine, whatever," he sighed, feeling ridiculous. Did they really have to be sparkly on top of everything?

"You both will pay! I swear you will!" Natalia growled at them.

"Like, whatevs, you have no power here, shoo, before, like, someone drops a house on you too!" Feliks sniggered as Natalia looked above her suspiciously.

"Very well, I'll bide my time, but as for you young man, it's true, I can't attend to you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way! I'll get you, and you're little cat too!" she cackled, disappearing in another puff of smoke.

"Okay broskis, you can come out!" Feliks exclaimed as the Munchkins reappeared.

"Like, you've made quite an enemy, sooner you get out of Ozzie the better!" Feliks frowned at Arthur in concern.

"Ugh, right, that sounds great, but…how _do _I get out of Ozzie?" Arthur asked.

"Like, I have no idea,"

"What?"

"Like, IDK, maybe the Wizard would know, though,"

"The Wizard?"

"Like yeah, the Wizard of Ozzie, he knows, like, everything,"

"Well, I suppose, can you at least tell me how to find the wizard?" Arthur asked.

"Like, that's easy, you just follow the yellow brick road,"

"You mean…that…" Arthur pointed to where a few brick roads separated out, a yellow one standing out particularly brightly.

"Yup, just follow it and it will take you right to the Wizard!" Feliks announced, "Like, I've got to go, good luck," Feliks waved at him before suddenly disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Follow the yellow brick road," Arthur frowned as he stepped carefully on the yellow strip and began walking.

"Follow the yellow brick road!" Eduard confirmed.

"Follow the yellow brick road!" Raivas added after Arthur had taken a few more steps.

"Follow the yellow brick road!" Toris told him a mere two seconds later.

"Follow the ye-" Eduard went to start again, but Arthur cut him off.

"Yes, I get it, I follow the yellow brick road," he sighed as the three nodded and simply repeated that he should indeed follow the yellow brick road.

Arthur smiled at them, and began walking a little faster down the road. _What a bunch of freaks _he thought, as he eventually managed to leave them behind.

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Thank you everyone is reading/favouriting/following/reviewing! It makes me happy that people are actually paying attention to the story, even if it's not amazingly written:D


	4. If He Only Had a Brain

Sorry for the late update - my computer's as good as broke and I've finally resigned myself to typing this up in the notes app on my phone. So, with a smaller keyboard, irritating autocorrect, no immediately available thesaurus and a lot more hassle flicking between the plot summary and the notes app, here is the next chapter ^.^

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Arthur sighed as he reached a cross roads, the "yellow brick road" he was supposed to be following now branching out in three directions. Crumpet sat down with a meow beside where he stood.

"Well, this is bloody brilliant, isn't it? Follow the God damn yellow brick road, huh?" he grumbled to himself. "What on earth do we do now, Crumpet?"

Arthur looked around him in despair, jumping when a voice startled him from his misery.

"This way's very nice,"

Arthur looked about himself in fright, trying to locate the owner of the voice, but all that was around him was his cat, and a scarecrow in a field of tomatoes.

"Ah, but it's pleasant down that way, too!" the same voice happily exclaimed.

Arthur glared down the path, but again saw nothing. "Okay, who said that?" he demanded, crossing his arms.

Crumpet hissed and swatted at the scarecrow, but Arthur batted the cat away, "Don't be ridiculous, Crumpet, scarecrows don't talk," he shook his head at his cat's antics, before glancing at the scarecrow...strange, hadn't its arms been pointing the other way before?

"Of course, people do go both ways,"

Arthur froze and stared in shock as the scarecrow twirled its arms to point in two directions. Snapping back to reality, Arthur jumped backwards whilst Crumpet licked his paw in an "I told you so" manner.

"Did you just...did you just talk?" Arthur asked. He examined the scarecrow more closely and couldn't help but notice that, despite his potato-sack clothing and over-spilling straw stuffing, he did look rather...human. He had sparkling, though dopey, green eyes, a mop of brunet hair, and skin tanned from hanging in the sun all day. He shook his head to Arthur's question, though wore a beaming smile, delighted at being recognised.

Arthur raised an eyebrow at him, now over his shock, "So, you didn't talk?"

The scarecrow paused at this, then shook his head again, smile never leaving his lips.

Arthur sighed, "Are you doing that on purpose, or can you not make up your mind?"

The scarecrow laughed and shrugged the best he could whilst strung up on a pole, "That's the problem, amigo, I don't have a mind, only straw," he tapped his head twice.

"How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?" Arthur questioned.

"I don't know, but some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?"

Arthur laughed and nodded, thinking of many people in his life who that could be applied to.

"Well, I suppose we should formally introduce ourselves, at least. I'm Arthur Kirkland, how do you do?"

"Hola! I'm Antonio, but I'm afraid I'm not doing at all well - being stuck up here on a pole all day is very tiring," Antonio shook his head sadly.

"Yes, I would assume that to be rather uncomfortable. Could I perhaps help you down?"

"Down? That would be great, gracias!" Antonio beamed at Arthur.

Arthur climbed over the picket fence into the tomato field, and made his way to Antonio's back. After a confused few minutes spent fiddling with twine and wire, Antonio spoke up again; "Hmm, you could try bending that nail downwards? Maybe I'll slip right off!"

Arthur nodded and did as instructed, jumping in fright as Antonio did slip off - straight off the pole and face first onto the ground. The scarecrow tried to pick himself back up, but stumbled again, losing some of his stuffing as he fell. Arthur quickly rushed to his aid, hoisting the taller scarecrow's arm over his shoulder.

"Oops, there goes some of me," Antonio laughed, stuffing the straw that had fallen back into himself, "Sorry about this, it has been a while since I stood on my own two feet," Antonio said, as Arthur let go of him only to have to grab him again as he toppled back over.

"Be careful, git, you'll hurt yourself," Arthur warned as Antonio tried to take a few steps on his own, making it slightly further before falling again.

"Ah, but I'm made of straw! No pain for me!" Antonio laughed happily, "It's good to be free! So, little man, where are you headed?"

"Well, I'm going to visit The Wizard of Ozzie," Arthur informed.

"The Wizard of Ozzie? What for?"

"I was told that if I want to get back home to my farm, I should go to see the Wizard and that he may be able to help me, but I've come to these cross roads and now I don't know which way to go,"

"Hmmm, do you think that if the Wizard could get you back to your farm, he could also get me a brain?" Antonio asked hopefully.

"I couldn't say, but if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now,"

"That's true," Antonio agreed.

"But then, maybe you'd better not. I've got a witch mad at me, and I wouldn't want you running into any trouble,"

"A witch? I'm not afraid of any old witch - all I'm afraid of is a lit match,"

"I don't blame you for that one," Arthur nodded.

"But I'd face a whole box full of them for the chance of getting some brains! Look, I won't be any trouble, because I don't eat anything. And I won't try to manage things, because I can't think. Won't you take me with you?" Antonio pleaded.

"Of course you can, just try not to fall over too much," Arthur frowned as the scarecrow once again stumbled into his arms.

"Don't worry, amigo, I'm getting my strength back already, you see!" he said, leaving Arthur's arms to walk on his own. His steps were shaky, but he didn't look ready to fall over, and Arthur nodded in approval.

"So, if that's sorted, which way do we go?" Arthur asked.

"This way!" Antonio pointed straight ahead of them, "To Ozzie!" he cheered happily and started down the road, followed closely by Crumpet.

Arthur nodded and followed after the two of them, "To Ozzie," he grinned.


End file.
